Welcome to the world of dating after divorce. I will tell you one thing: this wont be easy, but it can be fun if you know what to do. First take some time for yourself and figure out what you really want. Try to wipe your past relationship’s cobwebs from your mind and create a new slate. Now write down all of the good qualities you really liked in past partners and think of what you would really like in a new partner. Do not dwell on any negative aspects of old relationships.
Next, think (or write down) your boundaries like how fast you plan on moving into a new relationship once you have found someone. You want to make sure you stay true to who you are and what you are looking for.
The next step is to take a leap of faith and get out there and start dating. Here are some things to watch out for when getting back into the dating world.
- The Clingy Person – When you first start dating after divorce the last thing you need is to be around a clingy person (or potential partner). You have enough going on in your life right now that you don’t need to add the weight of someone constantly being around you, texting, emailing you and not allowing you enough time to grow on your own. If you drown a flower with too much water it will die. If you give it proper sunlight, dirt, nutrients, and water it will not only survive but flourish.
Remember: Always listen to your gut feeling! It is usually right.
- The Negative Nancy – Being around a “Negative Nancy” is like siting around a stinky old garbage can. No one wants to be in that position. If you try to change the subject and your date turns the conversation back to a negative one more than five times it is a clear indicator that they have a one way ticket to Negative Nancy-ville. Before judging them see if they are having a bad day.
Remember: If it doesn’t feel good to sit next to that stinky old garbage can then walk away!!!
- Fool Rushing In – You really want to step back and see what kind of pace your potential partner is interested in going. When people divorce, some of them want to rush right back into their comfort zone by choosing a partner to fill the void. Where others are so relieved to have their own space for the first time in years they have no intention of getting back into a relationship and just want to have fun.
Remember: Before getting back into the dating world figure out what you want. You are in the driver’s seat of your own life so make sure you choose the speed and set your boundaries before you even accept a first date from someone. Never be afraid of telling your potential mate your intentions. This shows respect for yourself and for your date. If they squirm in their seat or change the subject when you start talking about this you know they are not on the same path as you. Ultimately watch their actions. If you told them over dinner you want to take things slow and after dinner they try to get in your pants, they don’t respect you and your wishes.
- The Drinker – During the time after a divorce people tend to consume more alcohol. Watch for warning signs. You can ask someone how often they drink and leave it at that. Most dating profiles have a section where you can see someones drinking habits.
Remember: This is one of those interest you should match up on. If you don’t drink at all you don’t want to be with someone who drinks every week or daily, even in moderation.
- The person who wont stop talking about their ex – Obviously this person is still hung up on their past and they are not ready to move forward with you. Kindly step aside and say no thank you.
- Super Jealous – These types of people are not ready to date! They are the type of people who are always afraid and have the “What if” going on in their heads. They are so busy coming up with ways of how things could go wrong, that they can’t see or appreciate what actually shows up in their life. They are also a very similar personality type as “The Negative Nancy”. Jealousy can root from many causes like protection and competition which will have nothing to do with you. You may receive backhanded compliments, they show negative responses when you tell them positive things that have happened to you and are overly critical.
Remember: You can’t win with a jealous person!
What to look for: You ultimately want to find someone who feels like a best friend, who you are attracted to. This person should also allows you to be yourself and support your dreams and goals. Here are some things to look for in a great partner:
- Step back and watch how the other person manifests (attracts) things
- A positive person
- Watch how they treat other people
- Someone that lives in the present
- Someone that will listen
- A person who likes to laugh and have fun?
When you meet this person you will know. It will feel different, comfortable, easy. If you follow your heart and listen to that gut feeling called your “Intuition” one day you will just wake up happy with the right partner for you by your side.